T.I.S.A.W.F.-The Incredibly Short and Weird Fic
by ajremix
Summary: Vocal's demand has best be met, or he's out. Now if only the bride won't run out...


T.I.S.A.W.F.  
  
The Incredibly Short And Weird Fic  
  
(VocalxOrgel)  
  
by: Virgo  
  
  
  
"You /what/!?"  
  
Bass' eyes, well /eye/, widened in surprise. He would have been knocked off his very feet if he had any and was forced to be contented with rolling around in Lute's hands in shock.  
  
"You can't quit! We have a contract! You're still bound!"  
  
"I can still leave and I will." Vocal sniffed, crossing his long arms.  
  
"I own you at the moment, so watch what you're demanding!" Bass yelled, bouncing up and down. In any other situation, some one would have been laughing at the sight of a head leaping in to the air but Vocal was being stubborn and Lute was doing his best Spock impression.  
  
"I'm the uber-evil! I'll kick your de-attached ass!" Vocal declared, getting in Bass' face, brows contracting angrily.  
  
"Oh yeah? Well I'm uber-eviler and I say you're not going!" Bass returned. Ha! His brows could make bigger contractions.  
  
Vocal growled at the obvious, slap-in-the-face challenge and contracted his wings.  
  
Bass scowled as Lute leaned forward, his brows contracting as well.  
  
Vocal smiled smugly, his horns contracting.  
  
Bass shrunk away. "That's not fair."  
  
"Well, there /is/ one thing that would make me stay..."  
  
"Really? What? What?"  
  
The Courting  
  
"I /what/!?"  
  
The once suspended upside-down Netherworld clown fell to the great floor in a thud of elongated limbs and elaborate head and foot gear.  
  
"You heard me." Bass said importantly. From his place on the other side of the throne, Guitar snickered.  
  
Orgel glared at the half-dog, half-deer General as best his perpetually smiling mask would allow. "Really, I fail to see the humor of it." He turned back to Bass with a pout. "You can't be serious! That guy is a psycho!"  
  
Both Bass and his carrier glared at Orgel. "You are marrying Vocal and that is that!"  
  
Tears began to pour down his masked cheeks. "But... but /why/?"  
  
"Because if we don't get you to marry him, then he'll desert our ranks! Any other questions?"  
  
"Do I actually have an opinion in this?"  
  
"Yes. But no on is going to listen to you."  
  
"Oh. For a moment I thought you actually started caring about the rest of us."  
  
"As if."  
  
The Wedding  
  
"...speak now or forever hold your piece with all discernable body parts intact and your bowls not messily strewn over the floor."  
  
So saying Bass looked up from the book Lute held in his other hand, peering at the mass of mazoku who didn't dare breath as Vocal glared Bloody Death at them.  
  
From behind his bouquet, Orgel was bawling his eyes out.  
  
"It's all so beautiful!" He finally managed, drying his mask on the elaborate wedding gown he wore over his usual outfit.  
  
"Remember," Guitar, the Best Mazoku, whispered, "you're marrying a psychopath."  
  
Pause.  
  
Bawl. "It's all so depressing!"  
  
Vocal turned to the two and growled.  
  
"Eep!"  
  
"Oh, stop crying." He scowled to his 'bride'. "You're ruining your make-up."  
  
"You're a horrible husband! And we're not even married yet!"  
  
"Bass-sama?"  
  
"Yes, Guitar?"  
  
"Can I start laughing now?"  
  
The Honeymoon  
  
The rest of the ceremony went smoothly. Orgel's bouquet was caught by Ocarina and his garter- after he smacked Vocal the first time for reaching too far up his thigh -was caught by Sizer. Why they decided to make their appearance there, no one knew. But Ocarina gave Sizer a significant look and Sizer turned away, blushing madly.  
  
However, Orgel was now in the beginnings of a nervous breakdown.  
  
He and Vocal were currently in the honeymoon suite- really just regular barracks with everyone and thing thrown out and a huge heart-shaped bed and various sex toys placed inside -and Orgel did /not/ like the way Vocal was occasionally eyeing him.  
  
"Y'know... we don't have to do everything in such a hurry. We could... I don't know. Cuddle? Actually get to /know/ each other?" Orgel said conversationally. Vocal paid him no heed as he sorted through the second trunk of sex toys, occasionally giving Orgel a thoughtful look. "Or... uh," he paused to sweat drop as Vocal gave a silly, maniacal grin to a crotch-less, nipple-less, stud covered leather teddy before putting it aside. "We could... play a game, perhaps? That's a good ice breaker."  
  
The word 'game' finally broke through Vocal's hormonal thought cloud. "Game? What kind of game?"  
  
Orgel silently congratulated himself and sat up straighter in his slightly crumpled wedding dress. "Oh, I don't know. A card game, perhaps?"  
  
Vocal's eyebrows shot up to his hairline as a huge grin nearly lopped off the bottom half of his face. "Strip poker."  
  
Orgel sweat dropped. "Um... I was thinking something a bit cleaner where we wouldn't have to... you know... /touch/ or anything?" But the idea already had its hold on Vocal's mind as he leapt at the other, intent on stripping him, who cared about cards?  
  
*WHAM!*  
  
He slid to the floor, dazed, with a headache in his nose.  
  
"Owwwwwwwww~! How'd you do that?" Vocal moaned, hand over his abused nose.  
  
Orgel poked his head out from behind the church door-sized Ace card that currently actted as a barrier between him and his... uh... attempted lover.  
  
"Trick a friend of mine taught me. Also showed me the glories of confetti wedgies and morphing one's self into a Technicolor donut." (to understand this, one must read the Blue Spanch and Koko-chan's Yu Yu Hakusho fic: Harlequin)  
  
"How very kind of him." Vocal agreed before slumping to the ground unconscious.  
  
Perhaps it would be a good idea to continue tomorrow...  
  
The Advantages  
  
Orgel strolled down the corridor 'hmm'ing to himself. "C'mon now, Orgel. You're an optimistic cynic. You can find an up side to being married to this guy. Just... list what you know about him... Let's see... he's blood thirsty, psychotic, stubborn, narrow-minded, he tried to kill me by throwing me at Bass-sama, he's totally hormonal... and he's been lusting after my body. Were this my actual body, I might be flattered." Orgel clutched his head. "ARGH! There's absolutely no good point about him! Except for being extraordinarily hot!"  
  
"Having marriage troubles already, Orgel?"  
  
Said mazoku turned to see Guitar looking up at him.  
  
"Shut up, Guitar. I don't need this right now. My husband's homicidal."  
  
"Well, could you come down here so I can say 'I told you so' without having to get a crink my neck?"  
  
From his position on the ceiling, Orgel gave the sword-dog a wet Bronx cheer. "*biidah!* I don't want to get into this with you, Guitar."  
  
"Seriously. Is he that violent in bed?"  
  
"Guitar!"  
  
Then, in a flash of skintight violet, Guitar was sent flying back down the hall, a fist shape in his honker.  
  
"And leave /my/ Orgel alone!" Vocal yelled after him. Using his head wings to level himself with Orgel- who was still on the ceiling, he asked seriously. "He didn't do anything to upset you, did he?"  
  
A light went off in his head. Psycho. Bride of Psycho. Annoying little jerks. Violent over-protectiveness. Chi-ching!   
  
The Consummation  
  
It had been three days with Orgel calling Vocal to pound away at anyone who even looked at him funny and Vocal being fairly knocked unconscious by oversized playing cards. Quite frankly, Vocal was tired of not getting any.  
  
Finally, he pushed Orgel down on the bed with a predatory gleam in his eyes.  
  
"I've been patient. I've held myself back every time you stuck out that tongue or taken off that mask. You don't know how seductive you are even when you're trying to be cute. But I've had enough of waiting."  
  
Orgel 'meeped'. "But... But, Vocal..." His eyes grew wide and sweat began to trail down the side of his mask.  
  
"Don't worry." Vocal said, leaning down over the quivering mazoku. "I'll be gentle." He bent forward, tongue sliding out from his mouth to run against the pout of Orgel's lips...  
  
*Insert favorite lemon scene with appropriate name and gender changes here*  
  
Yes... I /am/ cheap! ^-^v 


End file.
